


my world spins on one particular axis

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Azama secretly cares, Banter, Canonical Character Death, Developing Relationship, F/M, Family Issues, Post-Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest, Regret, Tea, familiarity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 02:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19781137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: In the midst of loss, tragedy, rebuilding, and regret, there's one thing she can rely on.





	my world spins on one particular axis

**Author's Note:**

> Azama / Hinoka – "You don't care, do you?" ... "No." ... "About me?" ... "Perhaps!"

Of all the things that had changed during the war, one thing hadn't. Or rather, one person who was _supposed_ to be her loyal retainer but prided himself on being a pain in the neck. Every remark, every observation, every piece of advice seemed tailored just to tick her off and many times, Ryoma or Takumi asked her why she didn't just dismiss him. Send him back to the mountains and find someone more suitable.

It wasn't like Hinoka hadn't considered it herself a few times. But the truth was, she was just too used to his behavior by now to live without it.

Especially now, when that sense of familiarity meant more ever. Setsuna was slowly changing into a more focus, less clumsy person; while it was definitely a big help not to have to pull her out of a trap every few minutes, part of her _missed_ that.

"You took familiarity for granted, Lady Hinoka," Azama said as he set two cups of bitter green tea down on the table. "Really, who _wants_ to spend the rest of their life looking after such a scatterbrain? If Lord Ryoma and Lord Takumi still lived, you'd be begging her to focus and get better!" And Hinoka glared at him because obviously he was right.

"Is that so bad, though?" she fired back. "To miss how it was and wish it could be like that again? I'd gladly give up my crown and a competent Setsuna for Ryoma and Takumi's lives! For Corrin to choose us instead of them, for Sakura not to be so sad all the time, to know what happened to Azura..." She sighed, burying her face in her hand. "You know I never asked for any of this."

"But you've got it. War is pain, Lady Hinoka, and your brothers are dead. You couldn't save them, you couldn't stop the invasion, and you have to deal with it. It's life." Azama sipped his still-steaming tea, Hinoka seething with resentment as she stared into her cup.

"I'm aware of that, Azama."

"Then why complain?"

"Because grief doesn't disappear in an instant," she said tightly. "Because I lost pretty much my entire family and everywhere I look I'm reminded of them. Ryoma's dog is still looking at me as if he expects his master to come home. I see the trees Takumi used to practice on with the Fujin Yumi. I still see the pictures Corrin drew of Mother and Father."

Azama grew quiet, his expression the same eyes-always-shut serenity she'd come to both resent and rely on after all this time. She tried to focus on her tea rather than wonder what he was thinking, because by now she knew it was useless to read someone like him. Even during the bloodiest parts of the war he'd slid back and forth between actually serious and his usual irritating self.

"It's not meant to, Lady Hinoka," he finally said. "You know better than anyone you can't run away from reality. You can't just hide everything that reminds you of them." Of course, she thought, giving him a dirty look.

"Who said I even _wanted_ to? I have no plans to get rid of the Raijinto or the Fujin Yumi, or Corrin's drawings," she said tightly. "And Hana's all but adopted Yuki for her own at this point." He raised an eyebrow, then shrugged.

"Well, good. At least you're still-"

"I never _intended_ to run away from anything. I've been in the thick of it since the beginning, and I don't intend to back off now."

"Oh, I know you'd never _physically_ run and hide," Azama said. "But you still have in other ways. Trying to prolong the lives of wounded soldiers or innocents with fatal injuries, for example. Taking the fact that we never found Lord Takumi's body as him still being alive until Corrin had to explain the gory details of what _really_ happened. Telling her that if she'd just explained the reason for the war Hoshido would have gladly helped, when all but a few people resented her for turning traitor."

"Hey, I wasn't wrong about that last one, we would've-"

"Would you?" His expression, for some reason, softened. "Even if you and Lady Sakura, and maybe Lord Ryoma believed her, you'd never convince Lord Takumi and you _know_ why." She tensed, taking a long sip of the still boiling hot, bitter tea, ignoring the burning sensation in her throat.

"So basically, Hoshido was doomed from the start, weren't we. So why did we bother?! Corrin made it clear, she loved _them_ so much she was willing to let them invade our kingdom for _their_ sake." She clenched her fist, her eyes stinging. "It was all for-"

Azama grabbed her shoulder, his eyes actually opening as they stared into hers. Even with the odd shape of their whites, she'd never seen them this intense.

"So if you'd known all along how it would end, you'd never have tried, is that it?" She expected him to turn around and lecture her on why that would make her a horrible person, an uncaring brat throwing a fit over losing her little sister.

"What if I said yes?"

"I'd know you were lying." His gaze softened, if only by a little. "I know you, Lady Hinoka, and you would still have fought tooth and nail to get her back, and then to protect Hoshido. Because you care."

"Azama..."

"You care, and that's what kept everyone going. What's _keeping_ everyone going during this hard time," he said. "Don't lose that, Lady Hinoka. Never stop being the same woman who kept hoping for the best even when there was no way to save those lives."

She closed her eyes briefly. The dead soldiers, the civilians, Ryoma, Takumi, their retainers who died along with them. Everyone who survived but whose lives would never be the same. Sakura, constantly shrugging off the overbearing pity of those who worried for her. Hana, who refuses to let herself cry for Ryoma even though Hinoka could _see_ the hole in her heart left by his death.

"You're right," she murmured. "They need me. I can't let them down."

He smiled, reaching for her hand and squeezing.

"That's my lady. Don't ever change, okay?"

She smirked.

"You care, don't you?" His brow furrowed, his eyes closing again.

"No." She shrugged, not knowing why she expected otherwise. But she couldn't help poking just a bit more.

"About me?" His cheeks actually reddened, and he gave her a sharp look before coughing into his free sleeve.

"Perhaps."

It was the most she'd ever get from an admission from him, and she would take it.

"Don't _you_ ever change, either."


End file.
